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The Battle of the Beetles and the Birds

Crystal Leaf Inn · A Performance by Archaosa Shiva

20th of Phaestian, 1001

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Lord Haskor arrives, A gryphon's cry heralds a Hero's arrival with the emergence of Haskor upon chariot from reality's brief-parted veil.

Archaosa Shiva, I shall amend my Greeting! Ladies, Faedies, and Gentlemen! Friends and Foes! Gods and Mortals! Welcome to the First Exclusive Performance of the Battle of the Beetles and the Birds!

Archaosa Shiva, As you all know, this performance did have Tickets available, at a LARGE price! That was, of course, to keep the Lame people out!

Archaosa Shiva, Now! Does everyone have their tickets!?

Haskor, Patron of Heroes, You have thought about challenging the Self-Made.

Haskor, Patron of Heroes, Don't worry, I am not offended!

Ulvin Devi, The seeing of the Divine truly reaches far into the minds of the mortals.

Archaosa Shiva, Ok! If you have your tickets, GREAT! If you don't, don't matter! Welcome to the show!

Ulvin Devi, Indeed, I would seek a challenge.

Haskor acts, Haskor smiles slow at Ulvin Devi, the sheer virility of His divine presence drawing all of Ulvin's focus and causing him to falter mid-breath. There is no clash of wills or might, only a sudden stillness before Ulvin collapses lifeless to the ground, undone by the overwhelming splendour of the Self-Made.

Ulvin Devi has been slain by the Self-Made's virility.

Myrddin D'Ischai, Well fought.

Archaosa Shiva, Lord Haskor, if you wish, there IS a big battle at the end. Some blood splattering would add to the realism!

Archaosa Shiva, There were four people who paid for their tickets! Would the following people please come to the front and take their SPECIAL seats! Ticca! Swikaan! Boosteya! Sylvi!

Archaosa Shiva, I have just ONE Question for the four of you.

Archaosa Shiva, Are y'all just richer than gods? Or bad with money? Or were you all just REALLY WORRIED you wouldn't be on the "Not Lame" list?

Archaosa Shiva, Here's the secret!

Ticca, I prefer to think of it as generosity.

Archaosa Shiva shouts, The secret to the price of the Tickets!? NONE OF YOU WERE LAME! You all got FREE ADMISSION if you had come to the show!

Archaosa Shiva, Those who ACTUALLY PAID will get two things. First, their gold back.

Swikaan, What sorcery is this. Who gives gold back.

Archaosa Shiva, Boosteya paid in Credits, not Gold, so she will get her credits back! Someone who wants to tell you that I don't think ANYONE in the world is lame!

Archaosa Shiva, Oh! But you get one more thing too!

Sylvi, Truth be told, I'm a wretch with my goldies. But poor artists make decent art, so you know, we gotta feed 'em from time to time.

Archaosa Shiva places dunce hats, [Places a large paper dunce hat on each of their heads, with the words "I have more money than sense" written across them.]

Swikaan, This might be true.

Archaosa Shiva, The point, my dear, dear audience, is that none of you are lame. Despite our disagreements, or differences of City, or ideology, we're all awesome for being here, and working our way through this life!

Archaosa Shiva, And if we work together, MAYBE we'll avoid the fate that comes to, well, I don't want to spoil the show!

Archaosa Shiva, Now then! Are we ready for the Light show!?

Haskor, Patron of Heroes, There is no disagreement that cannot be settled by the spilling of blood.

Archaosa Shiva, Yeah, but that's a dead issue now.

Archaosa Shiva, RIGHT! For the sake of your enjoyment, I ask that you relax your lifesense. Allow the illusions created by lights to draw you into the story!

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With a snap of her fingers, heavy curtains cover every window, leaving the room in a state of near total darkness.

Center stage, amid the deepest darkness, a single spark seems a brilliant flash as it forms a small flame. The flame shudders, and quivers, then oddly splits into two flames, one burning more yellow, one burning more orange.

With a shudder the original flame flares and spawns an emerald green flame.

Then Indigo, and finally, Violet.

The flames grow bigger, then shoot off into the air in a dizzying display of dancing light, growing and multiplying until the room is alit with dancing colors as music begins to swell from the remaining shadows.

As music reaches a dramatic crescendo, the lights swarm together to create glowing lettering in the air.

The Battle of the Beetles and the Birds

The music fades slowly, becoming a simple, quiet melody as the lights disperse. The stage darkens once more. Lights shimmer back into vision, now showing a lush, green island in an ocean.

There's a far away place
Where there's not much space
For all of the creatures to live.

The scene zooms in on a field in the center of the island, showing many different colored beetles on the ground, and various birds in the air.

It's an island unfound
With bugs on the ground
And the birds from which they all hid.

The brilliant, illuminated birds swoop and soar, leaving beautiful trails of light behind them. They dive to the ground like falling stars, impaling the glittering beetles below on sharp beaks.

Beetle clans number high
But there's four in the sky
Of bird clans that hunt them all day.

The light focuses on the ground, bringing us to a worm's-eye view of the scene where beetles of different colors and sizes scurry about in desperation, hiding under glowing green plant life and beautiful illuminated flowers, shivering and shaking as the birds fly overhead, like deadly shooting stars.

The seven clans on the ground
Try hard not to be found
So they don't become a buffet!

The scene shifts, and the lights now show a burrow deep underground where dozens of large, orange beetles with giant horns protruding from their heads seem to be in heated debate. They stomp their forelegs, and rear up in aggressive stances.

The orange horned beetles were huge
They said "This we can use!
We can fight those murderous birds!"

The large orange beetles stop their debate, and begin work on polishing their horns against glowing rocks. Sparks shoot off and fly, creating a fireworks display overhead as their work makes their horns brighter and sharper than before.

So they prepared for war
Against those that would soar
"We'll kill every one of those curs!"

Among all the noise and excitement, the scene focuses on one beetle sitting far off atop an elevated stone. It's smaller than the others, and its light is duller. Its horn is smaller as well, clearly worn away by a lifetime of fighting.

But one just gave a sigh
"If you fight you'll all die
But just listen to my advice."

The other beetles stop, and the fireworks fade. They turn to the older beetle, their collective light appearing as though it were the light of a warm fireplace.

"If all bugs fight as ones
The war may yet be won
If you don't, then you'll pay the price!"

The light fades from the elder beetle, and around it, the younger, brighter beetles start waving their forelegs animatedly, leaving ribbons of light behind as they move.

This one beetle was old
And the young ones were bold
But they listened to what he said.

"All the clans, we'll unite!
And they'll help with the fight!
And soon all the birds will be dead!"

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The scene shifts again, an army of multicolored birds swoops down upon beetles with purple and black striped butts. They shake their butts in the air, trying to drive off large birds with big, thick beaks.

The first clan that they heard
Being killed by the birds
Had big butts of purple and black!

From a distance, specks of orange are seen watching the fight. They stay still for a moment, then disappear into the horizon, leaving the purple and black butt beetles alone to die to the birds.

"No, we won't fight with them
They all have weird rear ends!"
So they watched them die and fell back!

The orange beetles march along the grass, eventually coming to a clearing where small blue beetles zip about the sky in chaotic patterns as they desperately dodge the larger birds hunting them.

The next clan they came by
Could all fly in the sky!
Though the birds caught them in mid-air.

The birds, despite being bigger, are faster. With beaks shining like rubies, they dive and snatch the flying beetles from the air, consuming them in a single bite while below, the orange beetles watch.

"They're perverse!" they exclaimed
"See them fly without shame!"
So they watched their deaths without care.

The orange beetles march on.

The clear blue sky overhead turns a hazy green, and an illuminated fog spreads over the land. The orange beetles cover their faces with their forelimbs as they continue on, shuddering as the haze becomes thicker, and the sky takes on a poisonous, bright green shade.

The third clan, they could smell.
"Oh no, that stench is hell."
The stink bugs were fighting their best!

The orange beetles back up, and scurry away. The scene lingers on green beetles on the ground, shooting this haze at a collection of large and small birds above. The largest of the birds simply flap their wings to blow away the haze, and the small dive down for the kill.

Orange refused to come close
As they thought they smell gross
So they let the birds eat the rest!

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The sky turns blue once more, and the music takes on a joyful, happy tune. The next beetles are pink, and almost perfectly round. They sit atop large yellow flowers, and joyfully jump from the petals, leaving a string of glittering light behind, bouncing harmlessly on the ground in a splash of sparkling green light. They then happily hop back up to the top of the flowers to jump again.

The Bubble-Bop Boppers
Were all full of hoppers
They'd jump and then bounce when they fall.

The orange beetles approach, and watch the round beetles for a while before shaking their heads and moving on without trying to speak to them.

"These bugs are way too dumb
They just fall on their bum!
It's best if the birds eat them all!"

The orange beetles walk on, their orange light fading as the round bugs keep jumping and performing their own little light show. A shadow falls overhead, and tiny blue-colored birds race down and catch the round beetles in mid-jump.

The peaceful blue sky suddenly burns with red light. The orange beetles march on, and the landscape shifts from trees and grass and hills to dark rocks, and bones that stick out of the ground, each one glowing white against the sky.

They next saw such a sight
That it gave them a fright!
Body bugs from corpses are fed!

The orange beetles come across a bloated corpse of red and purple light, details mostly obscured save for black, hollow eyes and a dark, open mouth which tiny red beetles use to enter and exit. They carry bright balls of red light on their backs as they leave, dripping tiny red sparks on the ground as they move.

"They're deranged! They're insane!
They eat bodies and brain!
It'll be best when they are dead!"

The orange beetles rush off in horror, leaving the red beetles to their work. The red of the sky is taken over by purple silhouettes of vultures, who perch on bones and rocks nearby, watching the beetles for long moments before swarming down to consume the corpse and beetles alike.

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The orange beetles continue on. The red sky fades to grey, then shifts brilliant blue once more. A distant, golden light ebbs from the horizon, and the orange beetles follow it excitedly.

When they approach, they see a collection of beetles which seem more like pieces of jewelry than they do insects. Their shells possess a shine that makes them appear to be made of gold. Each one has large growths on their heads that glitter and shine like jewels in the light. The light is reflected through the darkened room, giving the area the appearance of a cave covered in gems, illuminated by faint candlelight.

The last clan they would find
Were marked by a shine!
Each tiny shell seemed like a jewel.

The orange beetles look to one another, their own orange glow seeming dull and ugly in comparison. They begin their approach, some of them being blinded by the reflection from the beautiful gem-like growths. They stomp their forelegs, and turn their backs on the gem-beetles.

But their beauty drew ire
So they let them expire
As the birds ate them all for fuel.

The light from the beetles attracts the attention of birds flying high up in the sky. They fly down, spotting their prey easily and quickly impaling them on long, sharp beaks which pierce their shells with ease. One by one, the beetles are slain, and the glittering light fades.

The sky turns deep blue, with yellow and white dots scattered about for stars. The glowing blue-green grass below shifts and waves in an evening breeze.

An orange light approaches, and one by one the orange beetles cross the grass, slipping into a hole under a large mushroom. The scene darkens, then brightens once more as the orange beetles appear in their underground nest. The elder beetle is nowhere to be seen as the largest of the young beetles approaches the rock upon which their elder once sat.

So the orange-horns went home.
"We will fight all alone!
Our numbers will still win the fight!"

The large beetle waves their forelimbs dramatically, pointing up as they address the other beetles. The other beetles listening start to cheer, raising their own forelimbs up as well.

"Other clans are all wrong!
We are right, and we're strong!
We don't need the other clans' blight!"

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Above ground, we once again see the peaceful nighttime scene. From the right, a full yellow moon appears, and arcs across the stage.

The night sky brightens and turns violet.

Then pink.

Then red.

Then yellow.

Finally, the faintest sky blue takes over, illuminating the sky in daylight once more.

From the base of the mushroom, the orange beetles come out, marching in a line, and looking up at the sky. The beetles seem to talk to one another as vague images of the birds they had encountered on their journey appeared in a haze over them.

So at dawn they prepared
For the foes from the air,
"Which clan will we fight?" they wondered.

Yellow birds with powerful beaks to break large butts soar across the haze of their remembering.

The Heroes' Patron briefly turns away from the display, sweeping His cobalt gaze across those gathered from atop His gilded chariot, measuring each individual's prowess before settling back upon the stage.

Birds with streamlined bodies, able to dash about with great speed.

Vultures, patient and adept at pulling apart bodies, with large wings that create great gusts of wind.

The huge black feathered crows?
Or the ones with pink toes?
Quiet birds, or those who thundered?

The haze of their thoughts disappears as a shadow crosses over them. The beetles look up, the scene itself shifting to the sky. Across the bright blue, birds of many shapes and colors start to soar, leaving trails of light behind them until the sky can no longer be seen.

They did not wait too long
For the sky darkened at dawn
As bird numbers blocked out the light.

Was not one clan they faced
But four, flying with haste!
All the birds had teamed up to fight!

The keen-eyed birds overhead screech out, and the small, fast birds dive. The birds with large beaks attack, not killing the beetles, but breaking their large horns. The vultures use their large wings to cast a gust over the fleeing beetles, throwing them back into the carnage.

Birds of mixed size shade
Some were bright, and some grey
Swooped down on the one beetle troop.

The form of the orange beetles falls apart, sparks of orange light bursting and fading, replaced with red. The beaks of all the birds turn red as they swarm. As the battle ends, and the beetles are devoured, the birds take to the sky one by one in a dazzling display of light and spiraling color. Once the birds disappear, spots of light fall from the sky, and cover the ground in a rainbow of radiance.

Every bird was well fed
And soon all bugs were dead
And all looked the same as bird poop!

The red light fades into darkness. The room falls into pitch blackness for a moment before another snap echoes, and the curtains fall from the windows, allowing light to enter the room once more.

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End of Performance